a price above rubies. 1

this is the first post of a series from 

[God's Gift: becoming the woman my man needs]

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...  Proverbs 31:11a. 

Safely trust means to be secure or have confidence in.

While I have heard and read and agree that this entire passage [verses 10-31] is a collection of the Virtuous Woman's entire life's work, this one thought is the crux of her virtue and can only be achieved through daily dilegence. 

All the days of her married life, 

her husband's heart is safe in her hands. 

~~

There is so much that could be said here. Indeed, I have read several books on this subject. 

But I will suffice it to say that if I, as a wife, 

Spiritual Leadership Links

If you sent me an email in the last ten days, you may want to send it again.  I am still catching up with the many emails I get due to all my blogs, and don't want to miss yours.  I was at the Spiritual Leadership Conference at Lancaster, CA.  The conference was a blessing, and I came away rejuvenated with a lot of ideas and motivated to serve in my ministries more.  One thing I really like about Lancaster Baptist Church, is that they share their resources so freely.  I have used some of the articles from Ministry127 here as well as Pastor Chappell's devotions on the Devos side of IFBKJV.com.

They are in the process of loading all the workshops, so you can download them for free online!  There are tracks for pastors, assistants, pastor wives, ladies, men, choir directors, educators, teens, etc.  I really think it is wonderful how they freely share these and many ministry helps at no cost.  They stay connected and properly use the internet as a tool.  Even on YouTube, I find that most of the songs I go looking for there are uploaded by someone at Lancaster Baptist Church.

Here is the link to download the workshops and sermons, and a list of all available workshops to date.  You can even download the notebook we used in class for all the workshops.  If you only have time to listen to one now, the one I most enjoyed from the ones I heard was Sam Davidson's sermon on Tuesday night - AMEN!  http://www.strivingtogether.com/pages/Spiritual-Leadership-Conference-Downloads.html

Sunday Morning—Sam Davison
Sunday Evening—Mike Norris
Monday Evening—Pastor Paul Chappell
Tuesday Morning—R.B. Ouellette
Tuesday Evening—Sam Davison
Wednesday Morning—Bobby Roberson
Wednesday Evening—Don Sisk

Pastors and Missionaries
Learning to Pray—Dan Reed
Instilling Biblical Principles in Your Local Church—John Goetsch
Will Ye Also Go Away?—John Goetsch
Finding God's Grace in Trials—Max Barton
Maintaining Joy through Seasons of Ministry—Jim Schettler
The Heart of God for Missions—Wayne Sehmish
Mentoring Young Men in Ministry—Dave Hardy
The Pastor's Family—John Wilkerson
Encouraging Fellow Pastors—Kevin Folger
Preparing for a Revival Meeting—Lou Rossi
Raising Your Family and Leading the Church—Dave Teis
Having a Resilient Spirit in Ministry—Frank Gagliano
Missionary and National Pastor Relationships—Sogoro Ogawa
Transferring God's Vision to Your Church Family—Alan Fong
How to Stay in Ministry All Your Life—Don Sisk

Me Obey Him ‘vs’ Me Submit to Him

In the husband/wife relationship, is it... "me obey him" or... "me submit to him"? Did you know there is a difference? True... to obey requires one to submit, and to submit means you obey the wishes of another, but the processes of the two are very different.

As basic as I can state it - to obey means to be obedient and carries with it an authoritativeness that says, "This is the way it’s going to be; it is not open for discussion; this is non-negotiable." Whereas to submit, to be in submission to another, carries with it a subdued form of authority that allows room for negotiation and consideration. Submission allows one to have a voice and an opinion, whereas obedience does not allow this considered negotiation.

For example, we are commanded to obey God’s commandments, which are not subject to negotiation or debate... God said it and that settles it. Obviously, we have no righteousness of our own, nor any omniscient power of our own to negotiate any subject matter with our Holy God. God’s ways are not our ways, but we can be assured that He always has our best interest in mind, hence the reasons we are commanded to obey God. (Deuteronomy 11:27, 28; 26:17; 27:10; 28:9; 30:2, 8, 16; 32:4; I Samuel 12:14, 15; Jeremiah 42:6; Psalm 19:8; 119:75; Romans 7:12; I Peter 4:17) But there are also two other authoritative relationships mentioned in the Bible: the relationship of children with their parents (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20; Deuteronomy 21:18-20) and servants with their masters (Ephesians 6:5; Colossians 3:22). It is both interesting and necessary to note that these other two relationships (of children/parents and servant/master) are to be patterned in much the same way, for many of the same reasons. (Exodus 20:12; 21:15, 17; Leviticus 19:3; Deuteronomy 8:5; 21:18-21; Proverbs 13:24; 20:20; Psalm 123:3; Mal. 1:6; Ephesians 6:5-7; Colossians 3:22-25; 4:1; I Timothy 6:1, 2: Titus 2:9, 10; I Peter 2:18, 19)

 Have you ever notice that the Bible never says, "Children submit to your parents," or "Servants submit to your masters"? There isn’t the slightest hint of these relationships being of the negotiating kind. In all three of these examples, the command is to obey and there is no suggestion of a negotiating relationship, and it is this command of obedience that also carries with it the hand of chastisement (Deuteronomy 11:1, 2; Hebrews 12:7-11). All three of these relationships are based on a superior and subordinate design... but the husband and wife relationship is a unique unity and is designed to be different, hence the reason why the Bible repeats, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..." in Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18.

In the Bible, it is only with the husband/wife relationship that we see submission and that is because marriage is not to be a domination relationship. (I Peter 3:1-5; Ephesians 5:21, 22) Marriage is about two becoming one flesh, not just physically (bodily) speak, but more importantly mind, and soul; becoming soul-mates. It is only submission that encourages this as a reciprocating relationship which results in the unique unity of marriage (I Corinthians 7:3, 4; I Peter 3:7; Genesis 2:23, 24; Matthew 19:5, 6). And, with this unique unity of marriage, submission does not allow a husband to dominate his wife. He is also not allowed to chastise his wife in any form or manner. Christ set the example of how a husband is to treat his wife, in Ephesians 5:22-33, and Christ does not dominate. Even when God has to chastise a wayward Christian, we are corrected as a child, not a bride. (Deuteronomy 11:1, 2; Hebrews 12:7-11)

Thank you for reading my post, your questions and comments are welcomed.
God Bless,
Jane Coley

The Fine Art of Waiting

Everyone I ask agrees: this semester has been a busy one.  The student teachers have material to study and classes to lecture; the staff is already stressed from the conferences we've hosted and the ones looming over the horizon; I'm taking more teaching classes than I've ever thought possible; and GloryBound has traveled almost every weekend!  Although life is continually busy, there are still those times when we feel like we're just sitting around waiting.

Last week Tim and the rest of GloryBound left Saturday at noon and didn't get back until Tuesday afternoon.  This weekend, he left yesterday around lunchtime, came back tonight, and is leaving again tomorrow morning!  Talk about busy.  Being on the other end of the deal, I have to keep myself occupied with activities to keep myself from missing him "too much."  Yes, there is such a thing!

Waiting is a fine art, and a lost one, if you ask me.  Nobody likes to wait, but it's gotten really bad with this "fast-food culture" generation.  Who enjoys waiting more than five minutes for lunch at McDonalds?  Who likes standing in line for two hours to ride the new tallest roller coaster?  Neither do we enjoy waiting long-term for graduation, marriage, or whatever else for which we dream.  There must be a way to wait without completely losing our minds!

Whenever Tim travels over the weekend, I occupy myself with something fun.  I've cut back on "retail therapy" (shopping!!) due to my status as "poor college student," but there are plenty of things to do that are cheaper than a new pair of shoes!  I go to my best friend's house and watch movies, I have lunch with a bunch of girls, or I do the unthinkable and finish some homework. =)  If you find yourself struggling to keep your sanity during your time of waiting, I recommend journaling, blogging, or cartooning your progress through this period of your life.  I've done all three, and they've benefited me beyond words!

I also recommend purposefully not thinking about it.  By choosing to not dwell upon your lot in life, you choose to reject discouragement.  Count your blessings.  Think about how good God has been to you, and you'll soon be on a mountain of blessings you forgot you had!  Most of the time we blow our circumstances way out of proportion, which can lead to a sin called complaining.  The children of Israelites got in trouble for this one on numerous occasions, so don't even go there!

Time flies when you're having fun, someone once said.  In the South, we make friends while waiting in line.  Soon we'll be talking about random things, laughing and carrying on, when all of a sudden it's our turn next and the quick friendship is sadly diminished.  I find that even the longest, loneliest weekends seem shorter when I'm enjoying myself.  When you're facing a long, boring wait in life, learn to enjoy the ride!  After all, getting there is half the fun!  You might not believe me -- but if life is what you make of it, a trial of your patience can transform into a party!  

Basically, the fine art of waiting boils down to these three things: 1) Document your progress -- you'll look back on it later and praise the Lord for everything He taught you.  2) Think happy thoughts and avoid complaining at all costs.  3) Find joy in the journey.  All of these are learned behaviors and do not come naturally, especially when we're so used to whining about every little thing (remember, we live in that fast food culture).  While the flesh tugs at us to murmur and despair, God has something better in mind for us.  Why not look back on this stage in life and think, "You know, at times that wasn't easy, but I really did enjoy it... in a weird kind of way!"  It does seem weird, because it's humanly impossible, but it's yours for the taking through God's goodness and wonderful plan for this part of your journey.

You're Trying Too Hard

"Don't work too hard!"  Ever heard that?  Though it's important to have a good work ethic on the clock, trying to live the Christian life in your own strength is another story.

I consider myself a fairly independent girl.  I like to earn my own money and find my way without asking for directions.  Unfortunately, this carried over into my spiritual life by working my hardest to live for God.  What's wrong with that?  Living the Christian life in our own strength is not just incredibly aggravating, it's impossible.  Paul puts it this way in Romans 7:22-23:

²² For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

²³ But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

I'm going to take a wild shot in the dark and just assume that if you're reading this, you desire to please God with your life.  My problem was, I was trying too hard.  Because of the law of sin that we're under, any righteousness we can dish out is as filthy rags, fit for nothing.

If you feel like you're constantly running into a brick wall, maybe you should reevaluate who you're relying on to get the job done.  At the time I struggled with this, I was doing everything I knew to go forward spiritually: I read my Bible, prayed, had good friends, and even went on visitation.  Yet, I was still relying on me.  I was doing everything I knew... God wasn't even invited into the picture.  Sure, I was praying to Him, but my prayers were something like, "Please help me to do my best today, so I won't do such-and-such."  Finally I crashed.

²⁴ O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? -Romans 7:24

I wasn't getting anywhere spiritually.  Actually, everything was getting worse.  I went down by the baseball field by my dorm where it was quiet, sat by a tree, and told God that I was giving up.  I had tried and tried, over and over, and nothing was working.  I did everything I knew to do, but my condition only worsened.  I told God that I couldn't do it.

And that's when things started to change.

²⁵ I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. -Romans 7:25

All God needs to work in your life is for you to admit that you can't do it on your own.  I might be somewhat independent, but my spiritual health hinges on me being totally dependent on God.  Don't think that just because your New Year's resolution is to improve on a certain area in life that "it'll just come to you."  Victory in the Christian life is victory in Jesus, not in all the labor we put into changing closer into His image.

If you're striving to improve your spiritual life and finding it impossible, you're trying too hard.  Let go and let God!  Victory comes from Him alone, and He is just waiting for you to give the hard stuff to Him.  The day I finally let Him handle my situation, He started working a miracle.  Whatever your problem is, the answer is Christ.  Stop "trying" and let God fight your battles for you.  Victory is guaranteed!

Come visit A Spring of Joy to read more posts on this topic, as well as subjects such as circumstances, loneliness, discouragement, and pain.  Come thirsty... leave refreshed!

Starting Out the Semester Right, Part 2

At an early age, I remember asking my mom a deep, theological question: Why do we pray?  After all, if God knows everything (including what you're about to ask Him), then why pray?  My mom gave a very simple but true answer, "Well, I suppose it's because He wants us to talk to Him!"

Precisely.  God knows every answer to every prayer you'll ever pray, but that doesn't take away from His desire for fellowship with you.  He loves you, made you, and wants to spend time with you.  Not only does it bring the Lord joy to commune with His children, but it helps us out in a number of ways.

What exactly do we accomplish by having daily devotions?  

1.  We're putting our armor on.  Imagine being thrust into battle, exactly as you are at this moment.  No gun, no helmet, no bulletproof vest, no boots... just everyday clothes.  It's just as ridiculous to send a soldier into battle without his armor as it is for you to face temptations from the world, Satan, and you're own flesh without help from the Most High.

2.  We're sharpening our ax.  Imagine trying to cut down a huge tree with a dull ax.  It would be much easier to accomplish your task if you stopped for five minutes and sharpened your tool.  How often do we attempt to hack away at life without preparing ourselves through prayer?  It's amazing how much smoother a day will go after asking God for strength.

3.  We're plugging into the Power Source.  I want to assign a science experiment to each of you.  Try to make a lamp work without plugging it in.  What?  You mean it can't do it in its' own strength?  John 15:5 says that without the Lord, we can do nothing.  What makes us think we can accomplish everything we have planned this semester in our own strength?  We must plug into the Power Source, because we are insufficient in of ourselves.

Also note Matthew 19:26, which states that with God, all things are possible!

                              without Him = nothing

                              with Him = anything

The difference is whether we choose to plug into God's power, or just decide that we can handle it on our own.  Cultivating a relationship with the Lord not only makes Him happy; we greatly benefit from it, as well!

Starting Out the Semester Right, Part 1

Have you ever gotten the shock of your life?  I did -- here at Bible college!  Coming from a church that preaches standards, I started to think that my standards were the measure of my spirituality.  Now don't get me wrong, music and dress are important areas in life that need to be addressed, but these do not determine how healthy you are spiritually.

Remember the story of Mary and Martha?  Even though Martha could be awarded "Miss Multi-Task," Jesus commented that Mary had chosen "that good part" (Luke 10:42).  All she did was sit at Jesus' feet and hear His word!  Martha probably juggled most of the cleaning and meal preparation, yet obviously she missed something.

This story shows two important points:  Even though serving the Lord is extremely important, He would rather you spend time with Him than do something for Him.  Also, we can become so "careful and troubled about many things" that we neglect personal time with the One we're supposed to be pleasing.  Being involved in ministry and going on visitation are good things, but don't put so much emphasis on them that you forget the best things.

If prayer and time in the Word are indeed the measure of your spirituality, then how healthy are you?  Do you feast daily?  Are you malnourished?  You might be wondering, "What's the big deal?"  In Part 2, I will explain what exactly we accomplish by having daily devotions.  I'll even answer the question, "If God knows our prayers before we even ask, then what's the point of praying?"  I pray that through this series, you will see how to start out the semester right!

Don't Lock Yourself Back Up

Gal 4:8  Howbeit then, when ye knew not God, ye did service unto them which by nature are no gods. 

Gal 4:9  But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?

Gal 5:1  Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. 

Remember playing cops and robbers?  I always liked being the bad guy -- maybe I'm just weird, but I thought they always had it made.  You got to run and hide, escape traps, and finally let the cops get you... on purpose, of course.  There was something exhilarating about letting someone tie your hands behind your back.    

It is one thing to play around with handcuffs, but putting yourself back under the bondage of sin is an entirely different matter.  It is so easy to fall into a besetting sin, enjoy it for a moment, regret it, and get back out again, only to slip right back into it.  So the cycle goes... you know (fill in the blank) is just as wicked as can be, yet you find yourself entangled in it time and time again.

In verse 8 Paul explains that a lost person can be expected to act in a sinful manner because they are still a slave to sin.  However, verse 9 goes on to say that it is absolutely ludicrous for a child of God to put themselves under sin's bondage.

Remember how miserable it was to be Satan's servant?  He made sin look so good, but it brought you more heartache, guilt, and pain than you ever bargained for.  Not only did you sin, but you had no choice.  Each transgression was a chain, weighing heavier and heavier as Satan piled them upon you.  But then you got saved.  Your burden was lifted and no longer did Satan have control of you.  You live and breathe in freedom, without a single obligation to your former master.  After a while, sin started looking good again.  Sure, you are saved, but that gives you a license to do whatever you want, right?  Before long, you find yourself falling into the same old stuff over and over.  You might be saved, but sin has once again locked you into its grip.

"How turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?" (verse 9)  It seems ridiculous, but it's exactly what we do!  Why would we ever desire the chains that once held us fast?   How could we look at sin and think, "I want that instead of freedom!  It looks so much better than being free!"  Why?!?! 

Through Christ you are able to have victory.  Don't lock yourself back up into the mess from which you were delivered.  You don't have to be tangled up in bondage anymore!  Accepting spiritual defeat as a way of life is just as silly as grabbing the chains in the picture above and wrapping them around you.  Instead, decide that whatever your personal vice is, you will let the Lord change your heart and help you overcome it.

Another great thing about your freedom in Christ is you don't have to lift a finger for it.  "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free" (verse 1).  He's already gained the victory; all you have to do is ask Him for it.  In fact, trying to fight your own sinfulness in your own strength will end in utter failure.  The Lord is your strength and your shield -- live in the liberty you already have in Him!

The Most Incredible Thing You'll Ever Do

You take your seat across from the counselor with whom you've planned all week to have a meeting.  You've carefully organized exactly what you're going to say; your thoughts are in perfect outline form.  In a matter of minutes you will have poured out all that is troubling you and she will respond with some deep, otherworldly wisdom.  

You begin to feel emotional as you recall everything that's been building up.  Nothing has gone right, and you have reacted to your circumstances in the only reasonable manner, which has actually made things worse.  You are on an emotional roller coaster ride, and you want off...now.  You finally begin to speak, but your counselor pops a question that stops you in your tracks.

"So, how have your personal devotions been going lately?"

Are you serious?  You're really asking me this? you think, the confusion showing vividly on your face.  She didn't even let me explain myself!  How does she expect to be able to help me if she doesn't even know my problem?

"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." John 15:5

Many souls in despair have been caught off guard by this same question.  With all the different possible variables going into your specific problem, what could personal devotions have anything to do with it?  Actually, they have everything to do with it.

At the Top of Your Checklist

School is officially in session at Heartland Baptist Bible College. I am already overwhelmed by the many projects and lesson plans to fulfill by the end of the semester! The numerous physical and mental demands of college life remind me that time with God is the most important appointment of my day. Balancing school, work, music lessons, and a social life has the tendency to force unnecessary errands out of sight and out of mind. We must be extremely cautious to never put God on the "back burner," if I can say that without sounding irreverent.

A wise man once said that if you are too busy for God, then my friend, you are too busy. Another wise man said that he esteemed the words of God's mouth more than his necessary food. If there is anything you need to cut out of your schedule, make it anything but God. Perhaps waking up a few minutes early to pray or skipping breakfast for Bible reading would be more spiritually profitable than saying you'll spend time with God when you "get around to it." If your schedule is insane, drop ten minutes of sleep or skip the Frosted Flakes, but do not neglect your personal devotions.

During my sophomore year I was challenged like never before to improve my fellowship with the Lord. He is not an impersonal force -- He is a real Person, and He wants to spend time with you. How does it feel when one of your friends says they will meet up with you, but never show up? The Bible mentions that we are capable of grieving the Holy Spirit. How do you think God feels when you make a decision to have daily devotions, but do not follow through on that decision? I am not bringing God down to our level, but it is perfectly biblical to say that we grieve the Lord by neglecting daily prayer and Bible reading.

As this semester begins, allow me to challenge you ladies (and myself!) to keep personal devotions at the top of our checklist. Since the Lord has been so good to us, we should desire to have this fellowship with Him. The wonder of it all is, He wants it even more than we do! Allow Him to guide you throughout your busy day, and your day will go so much smoother. Keep Him first every day of the semester, and it will be the greatest semester ever.

How to Stop Complaining

Opening Days at Heartland Baptist Bible College are in session, and the first few days of the semester are devoted to preaching. One of the most incredible messages this week was about the sin of complaining. The children of Israel would whine and complain about everything, which kindled God's anger. I had always known that complaining wasn't "good," but I never thought of it as "bad" until I looked a little closer and saw that God considered it a serious sin. Complaining is so evil in God's sight that He sent fire from Heaven to burn up the whiners!

Seeing how wicked complaining is made me want more than ever to watch what comes out of my mouth. However, it's difficult to put a finger on how exactly to stop complaining. The preacher mentioned how people who don't complain generally have a healthy prayer life. Although this puzzled at me at first, I thought about it for a minute and realized that he was right.

David often spoke in the Psalms of pouring out his comlpaint before the Lord. In my own life, I think back to times I would cry out to God about how fet up I was about a situation. After a few minutes of going on and on about it, I would start to feel kind of silly. My whining soon turned into praying for that very situation. Instead of huffing and puffing to your friends about the unfairness of life, tell God how you feel. Cast all your care upon Him, and if you allow Him to speak back to you, He will begin changing your heart about the thing that used to look like such a big deal. Complain to God and you'll get it out of your system and have a new attitude, so you won't have a need to complain to anyone else.

If you decide to adopt this principle into your prayer life, don't stop at just whining to God and saying "amen." Read His Word and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you and change the way you think. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Your attitude will improve, your relationship with God will flourish, and the petty things that used to bother you won't seem that important anymore.

Give It to God

 ...lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; 

Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. 

For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. 

-Hebrews 12:15b-17

If you've ever heard a sermon on this passage, you're probably familiar with the phrase, "Give it to God."  It's hard to grasp this when you've been hurt.  It's easy to let mean thoughts enter your mind, which eventually turn into bitterness.  Anyone who has dealt with bitterness will tell you that it will destroy you.  Habitually thinking evil of someone who did you harm is natural, but destructive.  The right thing to do is to give it to God, but how do you do that when you've been so hurt?

When I had to deal with bitterness in my own life, I got sick of people telling me, "Just let it go!"  I wanted to grab their necks and scream, "I can't let it go!  It's not that simple!"  If you have experienced the same frustration, it's absolutely true that it's not that simple.  Deep-rooted bitterness won't go away by sheer will-power; there must be an outside agent working to remove it.  This knowledge is the first step to uprooting hard feelings against someone.  You must be willing to allow God to do a work in your heart.  You must first want to change, or it's not going to happen.

In my own battle against bitterness, I had to come to the realization that in trying to take revenge on the offender, I was hurting only myself.  Thinking bad thoughts about the one to blame wasn't accomplishing anything!  What was I going to do, use the force to play mind tricks on them that would make them feel terrible?  When this hit me, I was more than happy to let God handle the situation.  You must face the reality that God can handle the situation a lot better than you.  All of those vengeful thoughts about wishing the wrongdoer would (you fill in the blank) -- God can do that, you can't!

After I truly gave my bitter situation over to God, I found a place of repentance for harboring wrong thoughts and trying to take control of a circumstance only God could fix.  In the passage at the top of the post, Esau shed many tears over losing his birthright, but bitterness was still alive and well in his heart.  How sad it would be if the story of your painful condition ended like Esau's: She found no place of repentance, though she sought it carefully with tears.  You CAN have victory over bitterness, but first you must take the responsibility of revenge off of yourself and give it to God.  He is always fair and will handle it way better than you ever could.