Beating Post High School Challenges

Beating Post HS Challenges
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)

Have you ever seen a train wreck? There’s not a much more vivid metaphor than the unbridled collision of several tons of moving metal resulting in twisted steel, broken glass and an industrial disaster of gargantuan proportions. Too often we see high school graduates celebrate their graduation night and start down the tracks of adulthood only to wreck their lives just a few miles from the train station!

This is the time of year we see our graduates “commence”—begin their adult lives, their post-high school years; so I thought it would be appropriate to consider the top three challenges facing every graduate. It could be stated that these are the first big and immediate tests that confront a young adult immediately after high school. If they pass these tests, they avoid the bad decisions that can lead to a spiritual train wreck. Perhaps these thoughts will be helpful to you as you prepare graduates for adulthood!

1. The Challenge of a Job—Exodus 20:9-10 says, “Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God.” God created us to work and expects us to lead productive lives. (Ecclesiastes 9:10, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.”) And every young adult is excited about having that first job! Mine was making Big Macs at McDonalds. What a joy. And yet, so many young people allow their job to become their first spiritual downfall—often within a few weeks of high school graduation. How?

They Work at the Wrong Place—even in a tough economy, starter jobs are pretty easy to find—especially for hard working, honest, and clean-cut young people. It’s amazing how many Christians will take jobs at places that a Christian has no business working. No amount of money is worth corrupting your heart and mind, so teach young adults to be selective about work environments. It is possible to work in the world without “eating the king’s meat.” For every Christian, there ought to be some places we just wouldn’t work, no matter what.

They Work at the Wrong Time—the first test of a new job is Sunday work. How is it that we can toss God and His church aside for $7.50 an hour? One of the greatest reasons young people fall away from God after high school is that they stop attending church because of work! But for those who honor God’s commands and protect Sunday, God always provides for their needs in a better way. I’ve watched it hundreds of times over the years—God always takes care of those who protect His day and who stay deliberately and faithfully involved in their local church.

They Work for the Wrong Purpose—some young people view their new job as nothing more than a way to meet new friends and buy clothes or iPods, while others see it as a temporary means to a more important end and a way to be a witness for Christ. Those with a higher purpose—pursuing the will of God—always keep their job in check and view it as an opportunity to facilitate God’s will in other areas.

2. The big challenge is that of friends. Daniel chapter 1 is one of the greatest lessons on friendship in the entire Bible. Because one man took at stand, three others stood with him—regardless of the rest of the crowd. And in the end, all four of them ended up 10 times better than everyone else in the realm! What a huge lesson on carefully choosing friends and being willing to walk away from the wrong crowd.

After graduation—those who choose the wrong crowd basically choose the wrong life! It’s that simple.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Nothing changes more rapidly after high school than friendships! A new job, less time with youth group friends, and college brings a whole new world of associations into the life of a young adult. This is a wonderful opportunity that brings with it some danger for those unprepared. Essentially, every graduate needs to understand how to draw a careful line between friends and acquaintances—defined as follows:

Winning the Heart

10 Principles for Spirit-filled Discipline
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)

The stories are too numerous to recount—Christian parents totally losing it—dads in fist fights with sons, parents in shouting matches with spouses, mothers hurling curse words and personal slurs at their children. Broken glass, holes in sheet rock, and doors slammed off the hinges are just the tip of the iceberg of the real damage. The wounded hearts, the broken relationships, and the closed spirits are the highest prices paid for such uncivilized family life.

Excuses abound as well. “I never had a Christian home.” “Well, my dad hit me a few times too.” “I’m under a lot of stress at work.” “Nobody understands my needs.” “There’s a lot in my past that I’m angry about, and sometimes I take it out on my family.” The fact is, every parent could come up with an excuse for fleshly outbursts because we’re all bound by the flesh!

It’s time for carnal parenting to be banished from Christian homes. If you’re tired of parenting in your flesh—if you’re tired of seeing your own parents in the mirror—then read on. God has a different roadmap for biblical parenting. It’s not rocket science, but it will require a teachable spirit, a humble heart, and submission to basic biblical guidelines. It will require personal growth, teamwork with your spouse, and the development of new habits—Spirit-filled responses.

Regardless of the home life you have experienced, if you know Christ, you are a perfect candidate for becoming a Spirit-filled parent of wisdom, grace, self-control, and loving authority. A carnal parent and a Spirit-filled parent are night and day different! And the products of Spirit-filled discipline are stronger relationships, closer hearts, changed lives, and the list goes on. In an effort to build godly practices into our discipline, let’s quickly discover ten principles that govern Spirit-filled discipline. Discipline that develops the heart is:

1. Controlled and Premeditated
Spirit-filled discipline doesn’t fly off the handle or out of control. It isn’t easily provoked into rage. Personal anger, frustration, and temper are set aside or allowed to cool off privately with the Lord. Proverbs 16:32, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Colossians 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

2. Biblically Principled and Corrective
Spirit-filled discipline rests upon the authority of God and His Word, and it isn’t easily manipulated. It always brings a biblical truth into play and helps the heart understand God’s position. In other words, this isn’t about my agenda as a parent. It’s about helping my child understand God and His agenda. Therefore, I won’t be easily manipulated by excuses or emotions. I will be more focused on teaching my child God’s precepts. Proverbs 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

3. Instructive and Nurturing
Spirit-filled discipline moves beyond reaction and actually instructs and teaches. Too often our discipline is merely a reaction to a moment rather than a premeditation of development. Real discipline will think through the values, the heart, and the character of the child. Real discipline isn’t only punitive; it is restorative and instructive. It’s not merely about handing down punishment. It’s about training the character. Proverbs 4:1-4, “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live.”

4. Focused on Beliefs Rather Than Behavior
Spirit-filled discipline seeks to understand the beliefs that drive behavior, not merely to change behavior. Carnal discipline is very self-centered. It seeks to get the child to behave the way I want right now—thus avoiding embarassment or resolving my temporary frustration. It basically says, “I don’t care about your long-term character, I just want you to stop annoying me right now.” Spirit-filled discipline always sets self aside and focuses on the development of the child’s heart. It’s not about modifying behavior, but modifying the heart! Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.”

Routine vs. Schedule

ROUTINE VS. SCHEDULE

A learning spirit is so important to parenting. If we were to carry around a “purse of gold” (wisdom) from which to draw, I don’t believe that one could do any better than to draw from the wealth of wisdom they have readily before them in books, older Christian parents and Christian peers.

“Christian Parenting” authors and “older-wisers” in the church have so much experience and results from which they can draw and teach. Good Christian peer’s child training styles and opinions are the “iron against our iron” that can grind against us and cause our biblical beliefs to be strengthened or wear down our rough edges.

You see, this learning spirit is necessary because as a parent has their first child, many times they try to “undo the wrongs of their parents” by doing things “differently” in their own home. Yet, rather than being reactionary against one’s upbringing and going the opposite direction, a parent needs to seek TRUTH and WISDOM from their available resources and LEARN THE BEST WAY to parent and use their God-given personality and gifts to adapt it into their home environment.

The important truths of child training that are consistent throughout many Christian child training books as well as the advice given from many of my “older-wisers” include:

1. You need to be proactive and provide your children opportunities to learn how to behave properly. This is how training is practiced in schools, business and the military. Homes should take note. (A good way to do this is by having them by your side as you work. This let’s them learn a humble, teachable spirit and to learn things by someone with experience, rather than from “the school of hard knox.” This is especially helpful as they grow older and have from experience learned to trust your opinion and guidance rather than venturing out on their own to find their “own path.”)

2. Know your child’s heart, and allow the “rod of correction” correct the attitude more than the action. (The best way to know your child’s heart is by spending time doing things with them. You will hear them talk, see their responses to your directions, and be near them when their habitual responses rear their ugly heads. You can stop bad habits / actions before they start, by seeing the heart symptoms and teaching them the BIBLE’S WAY to respond.)

3. Have joy in your home: smile at your children, let them know they are a blessing and a gift. Never degrade them: especially to others. (A child will not want to grow up like mommy and daddy if the children see the parents as worried, irritable, yellers who moan about the burdens of children, church and finances. They will find the quickest route to their bedroom, their friend’s house, and later a love interest or the sparkling world and all it’s deception. Let them know that the joy of the Lord is your strength and be an example of the fruit of the spirit.)

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH A FAMILY ROUTINE?

Everything we adapt as parents must have a “WHY” behind the “HOW.” (If you have something that works for your family; than that is wonderful. If you are struggling to get it all done with a good attitude, this may be just what you need.)

Why a family routine?

1. A routine supplies an environment of order. (I Cor 14:40)

10 Things Teens Won’t Tell You

10 Things Teens Won’t Tell You
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)

Have you noticed that teens are tight lipped? For a myriad of reasons—usually intimidation being the biggest—they really find it difficult to talk to adults at times. This is especially true with parents. In every home, there is a spiritual battle against authentic communication. Let’s face it—the devil doesn’t want parents and teens to truly open their hearts to each other.

But strong families resist this battle and conquer it. On the other side of the mountain of silence is a fertile meadow of healthy hearts. It’s a deliberate journey to get there, but it’s worth the effort. There isn’t a much sweeter experience in life than open, honest, heart-full communication between a parent and teen. When you have it, you gain a deep, satisfactory sense that this is what God intended in a family.

Malachi 4:6 teaches, “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…” In an effort to turn your heart toward your children, I wanted to share the results of a simple survey I did with our students several years ago. These statements and quotes came from faithful Christian adults who grew up in godly homes and in our youth group. The quotes below is what they shared about why they stayed faithful God. This list is what your teens think, whether they tell you or not; and it’s a great place to start a conversation:

1. I know whether you are faking it or not. (Contradiction is extremely confusing.) Amazingly, teens can see straight through us. They know our hearts, they constantly evaluate our motives, our spirit, and our life. If it’s consistent, then they accept our faith as real. If not, then they struggle with the conflict and often reject our faith outright.

Quote: “The teens are encouraged to read their Bibles and I am sure some of them have never seen their parents even pray outside of church.”

Quote: “I don’t think my parents ever contradicted themselves. They live honest lives, which makes it easy to trust them.”

Quote: “Honestly, I can’t remember my parents ever faking it. They were very open and honest with me.”

2. I need to talk openly with you about our faith. (Make sense of my faith.) Teens have questions. That doesn’t automatically make them rebels. They simply need to make a legitimate connection between God’s principles and real life. Many parents see this as the church’s responsibility. And, in part, it is. But every parent must help their teens see the common sense behind God’s eternal truth.

Quote: “My parents were great at this – especially my dad. He would always be bringing up different spiritual issues and explaining to me why we believed it. Sometimes he would bring up different arguments that unsaved people give about some of the things we believe, and he would explain to us why these arguments were wrong.”

Quote: “I never had to bring up a conversation about God or what we believed. My parents were always using every chance they got to expound on why we believe what we believe- there’s a spiritual moral to everything in life.”

Quote: “I grew up in a great church with great Bible preaching (that left few holes to be filled). I didn’t go to my parents often with questions about our faith, but when I did, I receive a Bible answer.”

Becoming an Insightful Parent

Becoming an Insightful Parent
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)
Becoming an Insightful ParentDiscerning Your Child’s Needs and Responding Biblically

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Do you understand your children? Do you know how to interpret their behavior? Do you understand warning signs and know how to respond? Do you connect their outward behavior with the condition of their heart?

 In Hebrews 5:12-13 we read a challenge to believers to be skillful in the Word and discerning, “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. 13 For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. 14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”

The word discerning speaks of judicial estimation—the wisdom and ability to see what’s really doing on in a circumstance. This ability is something we should all desire in every area of life, but especially with nurturing of our own children. Frankly, the primary thing many parents care about is if their kids are “staying out of trouble.” But discerning parents desire to get beneath the surface and to understand what’s going on in they heart. Why?

The heart is where Biblical values are formed—only when we understand their heart can we understand where they stand with God, and if their faith is authentic or merely an outward, temporary show.

The heart is where questions are contemplated—every child has questions, and Satan is good at exploiting these questions and providing false answers. Parents who get into the heart, unearth those questions so they can provide biblical answers.

The heart is where real relationships are cultivated—like the root system of a tree or healthy plant, it’s beneath the surface, face to face, eye to eye, and heart to heart, that a strong relationship and authentic closeness is built.

The heart is where spiritual battle is fought—the Devil is going after our kids hearts. He wants their emotions, their beliefs, and their attitudes. If we’re going to with the spiritual battle, it must be fought for the heart.

A discerning parent is constantly on a sacred pursuit of their child’s heart. Let’s examine ten keys to developing a discerning spirit with our children:

1. Understand God’s Word - the primary way that any of us grow in discernment is the Word of God. The principles of God’s Word provide a foundation of understanding. If you will become a discerning parent, you must become a student of God’s Word and of good parenting books that expound God’s Word.

2. Ask for God’s Wisdom - This is one of God’s great promises to us in James 1—that He will give wisdom to anyone who will ask in faith. Wisdom is the ability to see the real needs and know how to respond. It is the ability to see your child as God sees and to respond as He would have you to respond. Wisdom will help you know when they need to be sent to their room, taken out to lunch, or put to bed.

3. Pray with and for Your Children - nothing will help you understand where the heart is like prayer with someone. Make it a priority to pray with them each night before bed. Sense their heart toward you, toward the Lord, and toward the challenges of life through their response—physically, in prayer. So few parents actually do this, but it’s so powerful and so simple! This brief time of prayer will accomplish spiritually what weeks and weeks of human effort could never accomplish.

Train Them Up Tuesday~Let Us Pray!

As I am sitting here thinking about children in general and how precious they are, I do not know what to write except my own thoughts. I think of Jesus when He said: "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, ----- How often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings and ye would not!" Luke 13:34 No doubt Jesus heart was broken as He wept over His children that had no part of Him. I can see Him looking out over the city and seeing His children and knowing that they did not want what He had to offer.

So often, as children grow older and start making choices, we always take for granted that they will make the right choices in life. When they make the wrong choice we can see where it will lead and we cry out to God.

One wrong choice and downward they go until they don't want anything to do with the church or the principles that were instilled in them. They cast it all aside just for a time of pleasure. They drop Mom and Dad and don't want anything to do with them. Our hearts cry out, "Oh, child of mine, if only you knew how much you are loved, if only I could wrap my arms around you and you could see where you are headed."

Seems their life is one big party! If they could only see that nothing the world has to offer will satisfy~ but they keep seeking and getting farther away. That party leads to a life of alcohol and drugs. They find themselves involved in things that they never thought they would get into. Parent's hearts are broken but it doesn't seem to bother them one bit. They start finding other people to blame for their life of sin, not taking any responsibility for their actions. It seems we live in a world of the blame game. Always the other person wrong, never them. But someday that party will be over. All friends gone and they will be left alone with just them and God.

What do we do as they go further and further out? Do we have a responsibility to them? Yes, we have done what we could and now all we can do is pray that the Lord will put His Great Big Arms around them and do what He has to do to get their attention. What if it reflects on us as parents? Just keep praying and be willing to be a stepping stone for them to lead them back to God if that's what it takes.

Have you ever heard preachers say from the pulpit that if parents do their part that child will follow what he or she was taught? A number of years back a preacher that we love dearly made that remark. But it wasn't too long down the road that he got up weeping and said he was wrong. You see, it is different now. His child is the prodigal! I really appreciated him being so humble about it. But he knew from that day on what parents go through sometimes and that what happened was not his fault. He could sympathize!

Sometimes the Lord permits thing to come in our life so we can really know and feel what others feel. We can sympathize because we have been there.

I guess I am just rambling now, but what I am trying to say is not coming out right. We do have a prodigal. Our heart aches and longs to take that child and love and protect and take all the hurts and pains for them. But they made the wrong choices in life, not us. I know that all we can to is pray and depend upon the Lord to do what we cannot do.

Do you have a prodigal? Let's agree together to pray for each other and that love one that has lost his/her way. I know we serve a God that is able. He ached over his children! He wanted to get them under His wings! He even died on the cross for His lost children. But that is not the greatest part! He arose from that grave and is in heaven right now making intercession for each of His lost children. That gives me hope.

Kindly provided by Aliene here.

Nobody's Child

We live in a world of rapidly declining morals where society in general accepts single motherhood and not marrying, encourages sexual looseness for both genders, and little personal responsibility. With dating the norm and women and men being perpetually engaged to marry, but never actually marrying, we see a rapid turnover of relationships that go belly-up. After all, with no personal responsibility or integrity, it is easy to just cast your current partner aside as you pursue another relationship.

This really is not good. It is not good for the young men and women playing musical beds with each other and it is not good on the innocent results of these relationships: the children. There is now a generation of children who truly have no idea who their father is. They have no one to take on the role of a father but they have been ‘blessed’ with many uncles coming and going in their lives. There is never anything permanent in their lives and no sense of belonging.

From an early age these children often have their fathers leave the relationship with their mother, or else mother leaves father and the family is left in poverty. The new partner often does not want the children of a previous relationship around. In an effort to devote themselves to a new partner, it is not uncommon to see their child being given a hard time and pushed from pillar to post. They then effectively become Nobody’s Child.

With Nobody’s Child being moved from one relationship to another and passed from one set of family to another, there is a real possibility of a feeling of distrust in people and an inability to bond with anyone. With many new step-siblings and new step-parents, there is fostered a need to either excel at being a good child in order to win the affections of their parents, or there comes a deep depression and a sense of worthlessness and despair. Nobody’s Child simply gives up.

Once he or she has given up, the door to becoming a street kid is opened. Seeking love, Nobody’s Child often resorts to joining in with gangs of older children and is controlled by peer pressure. We then have the undesirable result of Nobody’s Child getting into trouble with drugs, alcohol, and the law. Often they become sexually precocious, and form lover’s trysts in a desperate attempt to belong and find a sense of self-worth.

The same society that encouraged the life-style that gave birth to Nobody’s Children offers no real hope to them and the cycle of Nobody’s Children is perpetuated as they hold their first-born child.

We can help Nobody’s Children by giving them affection and understanding. We can offer to take them to Sunday School and perhaps witness to their parents. Only Jesus can give these hurting and needy children the self-worth they need and we can give them affirmation of it in our daily dealings with them.

It would do us well too, to realise that the parents of Nobody’s Children are in desperate need of Jesus too and in all likelihood aren’t to blame for their reckless life-style and lacking parenting skills, for most of them know no better: for they too were Nobody’s Child.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks of Morning Cuppas With Glenys

“The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom”. Proverbs 10:21

Training Up Daughters

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

This is our plan for raising up our daughter to be a godly woman, wife, mother. We feel it is very important to teach her these things so she doesn't end up marrying the wrong man for the wrong reasons. We also believe she will need to know how to be a good wife before hand instead of learning along the way after she gets married. Marriage isn't easy work! Especially if you have no knowledge of how to go about it.

1. We are to instruct her in Christian discernment. We intend to instruct her in a way so that she will not be naive and gullible when it comes to picking a husband.
2. We are to teach her to be submissive to her Father. This will keep her from attracting unsavory men.
3. We need to train her in house management skills. She should not wait until she is married to learn about cooking, cleaning, children and husbands.
4. We will also educate her in how to be attractive without being seductive. Many girls and young women dress themselves as sex objects. If she imitates the world she will likely drive away godly men and instead will attract men who have the wrong priorities.
5. She will be loved by us(not a difficult task). Girls that are neglected and starved for attention and affection usually seek attention from men in unbiblical ways.

These are our goals for the next eleven years or so. By then we will have ourselves a beautiful young woman on our hands.