Beating Post High School Challenges

Beating Post HS Challenges
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)

Have you ever seen a train wreck? There’s not a much more vivid metaphor than the unbridled collision of several tons of moving metal resulting in twisted steel, broken glass and an industrial disaster of gargantuan proportions. Too often we see high school graduates celebrate their graduation night and start down the tracks of adulthood only to wreck their lives just a few miles from the train station!

This is the time of year we see our graduates “commence”—begin their adult lives, their post-high school years; so I thought it would be appropriate to consider the top three challenges facing every graduate. It could be stated that these are the first big and immediate tests that confront a young adult immediately after high school. If they pass these tests, they avoid the bad decisions that can lead to a spiritual train wreck. Perhaps these thoughts will be helpful to you as you prepare graduates for adulthood!

1. The Challenge of a Job—Exodus 20:9-10 says, “Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God.” God created us to work and expects us to lead productive lives. (Ecclesiastes 9:10, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.”) And every young adult is excited about having that first job! Mine was making Big Macs at McDonalds. What a joy. And yet, so many young people allow their job to become their first spiritual downfall—often within a few weeks of high school graduation. How?

They Work at the Wrong Place—even in a tough economy, starter jobs are pretty easy to find—especially for hard working, honest, and clean-cut young people. It’s amazing how many Christians will take jobs at places that a Christian has no business working. No amount of money is worth corrupting your heart and mind, so teach young adults to be selective about work environments. It is possible to work in the world without “eating the king’s meat.” For every Christian, there ought to be some places we just wouldn’t work, no matter what.

They Work at the Wrong Time—the first test of a new job is Sunday work. How is it that we can toss God and His church aside for $7.50 an hour? One of the greatest reasons young people fall away from God after high school is that they stop attending church because of work! But for those who honor God’s commands and protect Sunday, God always provides for their needs in a better way. I’ve watched it hundreds of times over the years—God always takes care of those who protect His day and who stay deliberately and faithfully involved in their local church.

They Work for the Wrong Purpose—some young people view their new job as nothing more than a way to meet new friends and buy clothes or iPods, while others see it as a temporary means to a more important end and a way to be a witness for Christ. Those with a higher purpose—pursuing the will of God—always keep their job in check and view it as an opportunity to facilitate God’s will in other areas.

2. The big challenge is that of friends. Daniel chapter 1 is one of the greatest lessons on friendship in the entire Bible. Because one man took at stand, three others stood with him—regardless of the rest of the crowd. And in the end, all four of them ended up 10 times better than everyone else in the realm! What a huge lesson on carefully choosing friends and being willing to walk away from the wrong crowd.

After graduation—those who choose the wrong crowd basically choose the wrong life! It’s that simple.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Nothing changes more rapidly after high school than friendships! A new job, less time with youth group friends, and college brings a whole new world of associations into the life of a young adult. This is a wonderful opportunity that brings with it some danger for those unprepared. Essentially, every graduate needs to understand how to draw a careful line between friends and acquaintances—defined as follows:

Winning the Heart

10 Principles for Spirit-filled Discipline
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)

The stories are too numerous to recount—Christian parents totally losing it—dads in fist fights with sons, parents in shouting matches with spouses, mothers hurling curse words and personal slurs at their children. Broken glass, holes in sheet rock, and doors slammed off the hinges are just the tip of the iceberg of the real damage. The wounded hearts, the broken relationships, and the closed spirits are the highest prices paid for such uncivilized family life.

Excuses abound as well. “I never had a Christian home.” “Well, my dad hit me a few times too.” “I’m under a lot of stress at work.” “Nobody understands my needs.” “There’s a lot in my past that I’m angry about, and sometimes I take it out on my family.” The fact is, every parent could come up with an excuse for fleshly outbursts because we’re all bound by the flesh!

It’s time for carnal parenting to be banished from Christian homes. If you’re tired of parenting in your flesh—if you’re tired of seeing your own parents in the mirror—then read on. God has a different roadmap for biblical parenting. It’s not rocket science, but it will require a teachable spirit, a humble heart, and submission to basic biblical guidelines. It will require personal growth, teamwork with your spouse, and the development of new habits—Spirit-filled responses.

Regardless of the home life you have experienced, if you know Christ, you are a perfect candidate for becoming a Spirit-filled parent of wisdom, grace, self-control, and loving authority. A carnal parent and a Spirit-filled parent are night and day different! And the products of Spirit-filled discipline are stronger relationships, closer hearts, changed lives, and the list goes on. In an effort to build godly practices into our discipline, let’s quickly discover ten principles that govern Spirit-filled discipline. Discipline that develops the heart is:

1. Controlled and Premeditated
Spirit-filled discipline doesn’t fly off the handle or out of control. It isn’t easily provoked into rage. Personal anger, frustration, and temper are set aside or allowed to cool off privately with the Lord. Proverbs 16:32, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Colossians 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

2. Biblically Principled and Corrective
Spirit-filled discipline rests upon the authority of God and His Word, and it isn’t easily manipulated. It always brings a biblical truth into play and helps the heart understand God’s position. In other words, this isn’t about my agenda as a parent. It’s about helping my child understand God and His agenda. Therefore, I won’t be easily manipulated by excuses or emotions. I will be more focused on teaching my child God’s precepts. Proverbs 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

3. Instructive and Nurturing
Spirit-filled discipline moves beyond reaction and actually instructs and teaches. Too often our discipline is merely a reaction to a moment rather than a premeditation of development. Real discipline will think through the values, the heart, and the character of the child. Real discipline isn’t only punitive; it is restorative and instructive. It’s not merely about handing down punishment. It’s about training the character. Proverbs 4:1-4, “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live.”

4. Focused on Beliefs Rather Than Behavior
Spirit-filled discipline seeks to understand the beliefs that drive behavior, not merely to change behavior. Carnal discipline is very self-centered. It seeks to get the child to behave the way I want right now—thus avoiding embarassment or resolving my temporary frustration. It basically says, “I don’t care about your long-term character, I just want you to stop annoying me right now.” Spirit-filled discipline always sets self aside and focuses on the development of the child’s heart. It’s not about modifying behavior, but modifying the heart! Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.”

Mom Wanted! Signed, Your Children.

I have prayed about this topic for over a year and the burden in my heart is continually increased.  Yet, I feel that it is an idea that can be misconstrued if not read in the proper context. 

I want to say what this article is not.  It is not meant to degrade any ladies in any way.  It is not meant to intrude into the liberty of a husband and wife to determine how many children that they can properly raise for the Lord.  It is not meant to burden women with guilt for past sins that are under the blood of Christ.

What this article is is a call for women to come home again; not just in body, but in heart.

I hope to get past the smoke to see clearly the fiery darts of Satan that he shoots at his enemy: the mother and child. 

Gen 3:15  And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

10 Things Teens Won’t Tell You

10 Things Teens Won’t Tell You
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)

Have you noticed that teens are tight lipped? For a myriad of reasons—usually intimidation being the biggest—they really find it difficult to talk to adults at times. This is especially true with parents. In every home, there is a spiritual battle against authentic communication. Let’s face it—the devil doesn’t want parents and teens to truly open their hearts to each other.

But strong families resist this battle and conquer it. On the other side of the mountain of silence is a fertile meadow of healthy hearts. It’s a deliberate journey to get there, but it’s worth the effort. There isn’t a much sweeter experience in life than open, honest, heart-full communication between a parent and teen. When you have it, you gain a deep, satisfactory sense that this is what God intended in a family.

Malachi 4:6 teaches, “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…” In an effort to turn your heart toward your children, I wanted to share the results of a simple survey I did with our students several years ago. These statements and quotes came from faithful Christian adults who grew up in godly homes and in our youth group. The quotes below is what they shared about why they stayed faithful God. This list is what your teens think, whether they tell you or not; and it’s a great place to start a conversation:

1. I know whether you are faking it or not. (Contradiction is extremely confusing.) Amazingly, teens can see straight through us. They know our hearts, they constantly evaluate our motives, our spirit, and our life. If it’s consistent, then they accept our faith as real. If not, then they struggle with the conflict and often reject our faith outright.

Quote: “The teens are encouraged to read their Bibles and I am sure some of them have never seen their parents even pray outside of church.”

Quote: “I don’t think my parents ever contradicted themselves. They live honest lives, which makes it easy to trust them.”

Quote: “Honestly, I can’t remember my parents ever faking it. They were very open and honest with me.”

2. I need to talk openly with you about our faith. (Make sense of my faith.) Teens have questions. That doesn’t automatically make them rebels. They simply need to make a legitimate connection between God’s principles and real life. Many parents see this as the church’s responsibility. And, in part, it is. But every parent must help their teens see the common sense behind God’s eternal truth.

Quote: “My parents were great at this – especially my dad. He would always be bringing up different spiritual issues and explaining to me why we believed it. Sometimes he would bring up different arguments that unsaved people give about some of the things we believe, and he would explain to us why these arguments were wrong.”

Quote: “I never had to bring up a conversation about God or what we believed. My parents were always using every chance they got to expound on why we believe what we believe- there’s a spiritual moral to everything in life.”

Quote: “I grew up in a great church with great Bible preaching (that left few holes to be filled). I didn’t go to my parents often with questions about our faith, but when I did, I receive a Bible answer.”

Becoming an Insightful Parent

Becoming an Insightful Parent
By Cary Schmidt (published by permission)
Becoming an Insightful ParentDiscerning Your Child’s Needs and Responding Biblically

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Do you understand your children? Do you know how to interpret their behavior? Do you understand warning signs and know how to respond? Do you connect their outward behavior with the condition of their heart?

 In Hebrews 5:12-13 we read a challenge to believers to be skillful in the Word and discerning, “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. 13 For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. 14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”

The word discerning speaks of judicial estimation—the wisdom and ability to see what’s really doing on in a circumstance. This ability is something we should all desire in every area of life, but especially with nurturing of our own children. Frankly, the primary thing many parents care about is if their kids are “staying out of trouble.” But discerning parents desire to get beneath the surface and to understand what’s going on in they heart. Why?

The heart is where Biblical values are formed—only when we understand their heart can we understand where they stand with God, and if their faith is authentic or merely an outward, temporary show.

The heart is where questions are contemplated—every child has questions, and Satan is good at exploiting these questions and providing false answers. Parents who get into the heart, unearth those questions so they can provide biblical answers.

The heart is where real relationships are cultivated—like the root system of a tree or healthy plant, it’s beneath the surface, face to face, eye to eye, and heart to heart, that a strong relationship and authentic closeness is built.

The heart is where spiritual battle is fought—the Devil is going after our kids hearts. He wants their emotions, their beliefs, and their attitudes. If we’re going to with the spiritual battle, it must be fought for the heart.

A discerning parent is constantly on a sacred pursuit of their child’s heart. Let’s examine ten keys to developing a discerning spirit with our children:

1. Understand God’s Word - the primary way that any of us grow in discernment is the Word of God. The principles of God’s Word provide a foundation of understanding. If you will become a discerning parent, you must become a student of God’s Word and of good parenting books that expound God’s Word.

2. Ask for God’s Wisdom - This is one of God’s great promises to us in James 1—that He will give wisdom to anyone who will ask in faith. Wisdom is the ability to see the real needs and know how to respond. It is the ability to see your child as God sees and to respond as He would have you to respond. Wisdom will help you know when they need to be sent to their room, taken out to lunch, or put to bed.

3. Pray with and for Your Children - nothing will help you understand where the heart is like prayer with someone. Make it a priority to pray with them each night before bed. Sense their heart toward you, toward the Lord, and toward the challenges of life through their response—physically, in prayer. So few parents actually do this, but it’s so powerful and so simple! This brief time of prayer will accomplish spiritually what weeks and weeks of human effort could never accomplish.

Parents Of Prodigals

My husband and I have experienced the reality of knowing, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” 3 John 4 Our two daughters professed Christ at an early age, witnessed in their schools, traveled on mission trips, and embarked into adult life with a passion for Christ. Our family life has been built around joy and laughter; and even through the teen years, we enjoyed close family times backpacking and ministering together here and abroad. The girls have been characterized as leaders, constantly encouraging and challenging those around them to live their Christian beliefs.

It always brought us great joy knowing that our children were walking in the truth. Then one bought into a lie. Now we see the flip side to the above verse; there is no greater sorrow than seeing your children walk in a lie. Since our daughter’s ungodly choices, we have grieved for the loss of our close family relationships, for our witness in our community and family, over the eventual consequences of her decisions, and even grieved that God would allow this to happen.

Our joy, peace, energy, and focus have been drained and replaced with despair, anger, fatigue and distractedness. We have been plagued by questions. How could this happen? What should we do? What would influence her? How should we respond? Our close family was thrown into crisis; joy turned to sorrow, and lies twisted truth. The parable of the prodigal son has become a real and personal journey with a precious, yet prodigal, daughter.

At one point in this heavy journey, I had a mental picture of us facing our prodigal daughter, she standing with her back to us. We were pleading and begging for her to turn around, listen to God’s Word, and recognize the lies. Then the focus shifted and God was standing behind me, my back turned to Him, and He was calling me to turn around and to recognize the lies. God was trying to get my attention while I was trying to get my daughter’s attention. Her lies were different from mine, but nonetheless I had also been ensnared by lies. God was pleading with me to recognize and accept His truth in my own life.

God’s truth needs to be sorted from the enemy’s lies.

I cannot allow my daughter’s actions to define me, but I can, through God’s help, allow them to refine me. Through godly counsel and His Word, the truth is being sifted from the enemy’s subtle and pervasive lies. The refinement process is not complete, but I have identified, examined, and discarded the following lies:

Lie #1: What if?

The enemy loves to get us into the “what if” or blame game. What if I had been more persuasive? What if I had counseled her with more studied words? What if I had been more discerning? What if I had just been a better mom? I was consumed with analyzing every nuance over the past years, reviewing my interactions, and questioning my role as both mother and wife.

My analytical thoughts became paralyzing and I spiraled downward into a pit of remorse and inadequacy. Slowly through the slime, I began to see that it is not all about me. My eloquence or lack of it, my parenting skills or lack of them, will not ultimately change a heart. That is the Holy Spirit’s job. I can be obedient to God’s direction. I can do the best I can in parenting and counseling. But the ultimate work is God’s. My pleas will not bring a prodigal into right thinking, right living, or right decisions.

Our daughter made this choice in spite of Scripture, godly models, and counsel, and she will also reap the consequences of her choice. Ezekiel 18:20 reminds us that “…the son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” I can neither accept the blame nor take the credit. The “what ifs” must cease because they are not from God.

Lie #2: If you parent well enough, your child will not make ungodly choices.

When my daughter turned away from her firm foundation, I questioned how this could happen to my family. Subconsciously and incorrectly, I presumed that Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” guaranteed a child’s godly choices. The Lord showed me, through my own heartache, that I have wrongly judged others and their parenting ability. I thought if someone had a child not walking with the Lord, it was always a direct reflection on their parenting skills. Now on the other side with a wayward daughter, I realize the lie and repent of my judgment of others. Godly parenting does not guarantee a godly child.

Lie #3: My prodigal adult child disqualifies me for ministry.

One of the qualifications listed in 1 Tim. 3:4 for an overseer is to “manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.” This does not refer to adult children. But Satan wants to fuel our insecurities, have us focus on our inadequacies, and cripple our ministries. Instead of stepping out of ministry, we should step up to be used by God. The more open and transparent we are in our parenting journey, the more dependent we are on Him for strength, and the more opportunities there will be for us to minister.

During the painful times of answering concerned inquires about our daughter, has emerged a new openness for those sharing similar burdens. One embarrassing instance of addressing pointed questions at a neighborhood party resulted in a phenomenal opportunity to share God’s truth. Leadership is not about being perfect individuals. It is about being humbly obedient and available. Transparency and vulnerability can make us better servant ministers.

Lie #4: God is powerless to intervene.

Somewhere in this extended battle, I crossed the line from believing God would not act to believing God could not act. I fell prey to the lie that God could not change our daughter’s mind or way. My personal systematic theology had me spinning in circles around God’s sovereignty and the free will of man. The Lord had chosen to not answer my fervent prayers to radically intervene in our daughter’s life. Since faith and hope are intricately entwined, I was hopeless.

My view of God was too small. I do not understand how God’s sovereignty and free will work, but I have become convinced that God is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. He can and will intervene if He so chooses. This mom needs to trust more, worry less, and stop trying to figure everything out. He is God and I am not! My God, our God, is a God of hope that fills us with all joy and peace as we trust in Him (Rom. 15:13), and He is more than able to do great things.

This mother’s journey in parenting a prodigal is far from over. The hurt and sadness are still very real and close. But as the Lord has revealed the insidiousness of the enemy’s lies, the burden has become more manageable. Now I can focus on what I am learning and not on what my daughter should be learning. This was reiterated during a recent visit. We were scheduled to rendezvous with our precious prodigal after church.

The sermon was unexpectedly all too relevant: “Grace Demands a Death.” The pastor pointed out that if we are to extend grace, as Christ did, we must also experience death. As parents, we need to die to our dreams, our desires, and our expectations for our children. We need to love them unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. Still stirred from this poignant message, we exited the church building and saw our daughter standing on the far side of the parking lot.

My husband ran to our cold, stiff daughter, standing sullenly by the car, and wrapped her in a warm, loving hug. That was our best visit to date! My hope has been renewed; He is restoring my soul. Like Habakkuk, I will wait and keep watch from the ramparts to see what the Lord will do. God is in control and He loves us and our prodigals dearly. author unknown

As a mother of a prodigal, I found this article very truthful and helpful. To all parents of prodigals I say, "Don't look inward, behind or forward- just keep looking up!"

“Bear one another burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2

By Glenys Hicks of Morning Cuppas With Glenys

Train Them Up Tuesday~Let Us Pray!

As I am sitting here thinking about children in general and how precious they are, I do not know what to write except my own thoughts. I think of Jesus when He said: "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, ----- How often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings and ye would not!" Luke 13:34 No doubt Jesus heart was broken as He wept over His children that had no part of Him. I can see Him looking out over the city and seeing His children and knowing that they did not want what He had to offer.

So often, as children grow older and start making choices, we always take for granted that they will make the right choices in life. When they make the wrong choice we can see where it will lead and we cry out to God.

One wrong choice and downward they go until they don't want anything to do with the church or the principles that were instilled in them. They cast it all aside just for a time of pleasure. They drop Mom and Dad and don't want anything to do with them. Our hearts cry out, "Oh, child of mine, if only you knew how much you are loved, if only I could wrap my arms around you and you could see where you are headed."

Seems their life is one big party! If they could only see that nothing the world has to offer will satisfy~ but they keep seeking and getting farther away. That party leads to a life of alcohol and drugs. They find themselves involved in things that they never thought they would get into. Parent's hearts are broken but it doesn't seem to bother them one bit. They start finding other people to blame for their life of sin, not taking any responsibility for their actions. It seems we live in a world of the blame game. Always the other person wrong, never them. But someday that party will be over. All friends gone and they will be left alone with just them and God.

What do we do as they go further and further out? Do we have a responsibility to them? Yes, we have done what we could and now all we can do is pray that the Lord will put His Great Big Arms around them and do what He has to do to get their attention. What if it reflects on us as parents? Just keep praying and be willing to be a stepping stone for them to lead them back to God if that's what it takes.

Have you ever heard preachers say from the pulpit that if parents do their part that child will follow what he or she was taught? A number of years back a preacher that we love dearly made that remark. But it wasn't too long down the road that he got up weeping and said he was wrong. You see, it is different now. His child is the prodigal! I really appreciated him being so humble about it. But he knew from that day on what parents go through sometimes and that what happened was not his fault. He could sympathize!

Sometimes the Lord permits thing to come in our life so we can really know and feel what others feel. We can sympathize because we have been there.

I guess I am just rambling now, but what I am trying to say is not coming out right. We do have a prodigal. Our heart aches and longs to take that child and love and protect and take all the hurts and pains for them. But they made the wrong choices in life, not us. I know that all we can to is pray and depend upon the Lord to do what we cannot do.

Do you have a prodigal? Let's agree together to pray for each other and that love one that has lost his/her way. I know we serve a God that is able. He ached over his children! He wanted to get them under His wings! He even died on the cross for His lost children. But that is not the greatest part! He arose from that grave and is in heaven right now making intercession for each of His lost children. That gives me hope.

Kindly provided by Aliene here.